im at a hotel and the people in the room next to my room started having sex and i timed it and he only lasted for 54 seconds and i think they can hear me laughing now

UPDATE: they just banged on the wall and it only made me laugh harder because dude you can bang a wall but not your girlfriend

(Source: mikisayama, via han-rawr)






﴾✨$℘℀ℯ ⅈ$ tℋǝ ℙ⅃ℓᵄ©ℰ✨﴿


Vote for me (velvet—queen) in whorifficc’s botm (here - in the hover tab) and then message me here for any promo to 17k!

If you can help me with promos message me and I’ll give you a daily promo for a week!

☾☹ the ✝eens in beds are lost in ✝heir heads☹☽

(via silly-luv)


was that my hair or is there a spider crawling on me

This actually happened but when I looked down there was a real fucking spider making a home on my bare foot

(via endl-essloving)

(Source: likecalum, via land-job)



Daily Show correspondent Michael Che tries to find a safe place to report from.

This is funny but at the same time it hurts so bad

sometimes you gotta laugh to stop from laughing

(Source: sandandglass, via land-job)








new undies: cute
stretchmarks: also cute

No no no and NO stretch marks are never cute!! wtf too lazy to go get some cocoa butter and use it daily? We all have stretch marks but we can get rid of it.. People should take care of themselves and if cocoa butter didnt work for you make an appointment for a laser stretch mark removal dont be a lazy ass

all stretch marks are beautiful no exceptions 

  1. stretch marks are perfectly fine and natural and beautiful, free lightning bolt tattoos yo
  2. cocoa butter is a preventative that does not always work, and smells and stains clothes and oh yeah, since a lot of people get stretch marks just from growing NOT from weight, theyd have to slather their whole body and no one really wants to do that or smell like that so strongly.
  3. laser treatment? really? you want people to pay $1000+/appt (usually takes a few treatments) to get rid of something perfectly natural because you’ve named yourself standard of the fucking world and think we all live to please you? most people dont have that money and if they do thats not what they want to spend it on.
  4. also fuck you.

I usually don’t reblog ladies in undies, but for real. Don’t fuckin’ knock people over stretchmarks, or anything on their bodies for that matter. I’ve been underweight all my life and have them from growing. They happen. The just do. 


You’ve earned your beautiful stripes, you fine ass tiger.

(via land-job)


we all have a favorite eyebrow

(Source: fzur, via ugly)